oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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