we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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