my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
