I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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