from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
