I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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