Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
