I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
