WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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