my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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