12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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