I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
