I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
