You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
