I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
