just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
