Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
