I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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