I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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