I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
