I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
