theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
