mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
