i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
