I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
