I'm eating all of the evidence.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
