drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
