It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
