You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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