yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
