it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
