Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
