we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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