Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
