you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
