I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
