Having a random hookup so left but love u
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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