YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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