it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
