dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
