at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
