If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
