I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
