Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
