How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
