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dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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