I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
