I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
