First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
