Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
